I try to keep my personal life contained.  My photography isn’t about me, it’s about the person in the picture…the life I’m trying to capture.  Today is different.  This is me not being witty…not being professional.  This is just me in this moment.

I am a 31-year old woman who has wanted her whole life to be a mom.  I always had baby fever.  I waited and waited for the right man…and I found him.  Hallelujah, God blessed me with an amazing man.  Then these past two and half years we struggled to start our family.  Lots of unanswered prayers, a miscarriage, and then a long stretch of nothing…no hope.  This year was going to be our difference.  After differing fertility treatmens, we finally became pregnant.  We were so excited to find out it was twins.  Two months later we were shocked when they discovered that one of the twins actually had an identical twin hiding behind her the whole time.  It was triplets.  From that moment on, our lives have been one challenge followed by another.   We dealt with a run to the hospital for a miscarriage scare, being told that one of our babies looked to have cerebral palsy or it might be  a tumor (ended up being nothing), low amniotic fluid (was fine by next appt),  high possibility of twin-to-twin transfusion which is fatal in 85% of the cases diagnosed  (somehow it never happened).  Our little girls fought to prove the doctor’s wrong each time. 

Then we hit one that just never went away.  When I was five months pregnant, one of our identical twins, Rory, was diagnosed with a heart defect.  Half her heart didn’t work, it was enlarged and scarred and the aortic valve was completely blocked. We held our breath over the next months hoping that as she grew, somehow a miracle would evolve.  It didn’t.  Then I went into premature labor at 6.5 months of pregnancy.  We lost Rory on July 28th.  Yesterday, we lost her identical twin, Allison, to NEC, a deadly complication due to prematurity.  You can find our journey at a blog we set up when they were born.

I wanted to explain my blogging absence.  And I will be here.  Hopefully, posting more pics as our third little girl, Casey, grows.  She’s a preemie, so she has another 7 weeks to stay in the hospital.  And when life moves back into normal, I can draw strength from the joys I have in life.  My God.  My family. My friends.  And yes, photography.

What: Maternity Session with Ronnie and Robyn

Where: Kaneohe Bay Marine Corps Base

We captured the final weeks before these two beautiful people became parents to a sweet little brown-haired baby girl, Maya.

I’ve known Robyn for years.  I met her just shortly after they got married and had moved here to Hawaii.  Spend more than ten minutes with Robyn and your speech becomes infused with a southern twang and “ya’all”s  just start falling out of your mouth left and right.  Trust me, I’ve tried to fight it but it’s a force you just can’t beat.  Robyn used to be in my bible study years ago when I led one in my small little living room.  And our small group was so small that so many nights it was just me and Robyn, just the two of us hanging out…ending early so we could watch the last half of  “So You Think You Can Dance” together.  Ah, the memories. 

I was real thrilled for this session.  First, it was a totally new location.  I haven’t been on base too often, something about men guarding the entrance to the base with guns that always makes me pause.  We literally drove on base and just pulled over at the first stretch of sand we saw.  It was gorgeous and fun.  Secondly, we’re talking about two of the most beautiful people I know who just happened to be married to each other.    Ronnie…there’s no one that can compare to my hubby, Scottie, but I’ve completely lost track of what I was saying when Ronnie smiles.  He’s gorgeous.   Robyn could easily give up her career as a fitness trainer for modeling if she ever chose to.   Absolutely beautiful in every possible way.    

Robyn can't resist keeping her hands off her man.

She's such a ham...and check out her guns!!!

I absolutely love these...she's so beautiful.

A little bit of a picture overload.  Ooops.   Haven’t blogged in so long that I got carried away.  My bad=)

I love little feet !!!

 I stopped by the girls hotel room to get some getting ready shots.  They were staying at Ko Olina.  It was probably the most calm I’ve seen any bridal party on the morning of.  The sisters were watching Dirty Jobs while they took their turn getting their hair and make-up done.  And then it was just a quick drive up to Wahiawa Botanical Gardens.  It was cloudy and drizzling everywhere on the island EXCEPT for Wahiawa.  Nothing but beautiful weather shone over the gardens. 

 The reception was an intimate luncheon at Gyotaku Restaurant in Pearl City.  I married a Japanese man so I know Japanese food, and this was amazing Japanese food.  I couldn’t get enough of the scrumptious food, I had to go up for seconds. So yummy.  And cupcakes!!! I love cupcakes.  I had to spend so much time editing the photos of the wedding cake and red velvet cupcakes that I even had to twitter that I NOW CRAVE CUPCAKES all the time!!!  I can’t look at the photos and not want to eat at least three. 

The ring shots

Jen undergoing her transformation from beautiful to HOTTIE!!!

  

 

Beautiful Sisters: Kim, Jen, and Tracy

I told them to act like Mafia Wars...I think they did it perfectly.

  

 

 

They took communion together as their first act as a married couple. It's official now!!!

Tell me staring at this doesn't give you a sugar rush=)

Here’s some sneak peeks from Ronnie and Robyn’s maternity session.

Robyn brought these adorable cards from her baby shower

I loved this wooden log we found and used.

So, just more things to throw onto my schedule but we’re still chugging along.  Here’s a sneak peek from a wedding I’m working on.  Jen is absolutely beautiful and looked gorgeous in every photo.   I’m excited to post the rest of the wedding pics next week so stay tuned.

Two days ago, I was working late and I had a call from my Aunt Kathy, my dad’s oldest sister in the mainland.  A long-distance call during the middle of the day.  I was hesitant to pick up.

My grandpa passed away this past Wednesday morning in his sleep.  He was my last grandparent.  It’s deep to think that I’m missing that generation in  my family.

Grandpa, I love you and I hope your soul has found its home in heaven after such wonderful years spent here on earth.

Stephen Arthur Loftus

My dad’s parents live on the mainland but came to visit us often on the big island.  They always sent us the best Christmas presents.   Some years were tougher than others and we didn’t expect much on our birthdays or holidays, but we were always excited to see what Grandpa and Grandma Loftus sent in the mail.  They never forgot a birthday and would send a big cardboard box full of gifts and love for Christmas.  I remember when I was 8, and like any normal 8 year old I dreamed of being a world-famous author.  I kept asking and asking for a typewriter so I could start my first novel.  And that Christmas,  they sent me a toy typewriter, a super good one.  I used it for so long that the ribbon ran out and I would mark the keys with a marsh pen and type quickly before it dried out.  But that typewriter was more than toy to me.  It was a magical ticket and proof that my grandparents believed I could do anything I dreamed of.

I’ll remember his blue blue eyes and his intelligence.  He was such a smart man.  He graduated from Princeton and was recruited to work with the government.  I think he thought I was smarter than I really was.  I went to Boston College but he had his heart set on me going to Harvard from when I was just a little girl.  Boy, I wish.   He may have gotten older but his mind had not dulled.  One time he called me “Genesis,” my younger sister’s name.  We look alike so people always slip-up.  I corrected him and he quickly retorted “I know, it was a joke.”  Grandpa wasn’t everyday people, I should have known.

 He had been suffering from emphysemia for years now and it was hard to hear him talk over the phone.  Breathing sounded like a  chore.  I still should have called him more.  When my auntie told me he was gone, I thought about all those phone calls I never returned.  All the times I was too busy or working and never picked up the phone.  I’m so thankful that I talked to him on New Years.  Even now, the tears start as I think of how I can’t just pick up the phone any time I want and hear his voice, see what he was planning to do this afternoon, tell him I love him.  But I’m so thankful that I did pick up that phone on New Years, that I didn’t brush it aside with the thought “I’ll call him back later.” Thank you for that. Thank you, God, for taking him home and giving him peace. 

And I’ll be praying for my Aunt Kathy, my dad’s oldest sister.  She lost her son just two months ago at Thanksgiving and now she’s lost her father.  God, be her comfort and hold her hand.

It never fails.  As soon as we step off the plane in Hilo, the inquisitive thoughts start my mind churning.  Could we move here?  Would I be able to find a job here?  Would Scott be able to find a job here?  If he couldn’t find a church to work at, would his ten-year degree in history come in handy in the Hamakua work field?  As we drove our borrowed white min-van through the endlesslly rolling hills of Parker Ranch blanketed in thick, billowing fog, I start daydreaming of the amazing photo shoots I could have.  There’s literally so many open fields with wooded back drops and snowy mountain peaks dotting the horizon.  It would be a huge toy store for me that I could get lost in.  Truthfully, I don’t know if the Big Island economy would be an easy place to restart a photography business.  It’s simple country living where you work hard for what you need, not what you want.  Hopefully, one day I’ll get a chance to try anyways.  

First it was family time.    We grew up in Honokaa, a good ‘ole sugar plantation town but she recently found a place 10 minutes down the one single highway.  I think Honokaa is getting too big for my country family.  She met us in front of Pauuilo store which is their bustling town center.  I may tease a little but Scott ate some sushi from this rustic gem that he claims was spectacular.  We met Genesis there and then followed her to her new home that she shares with my dad and her boyfriend, Marti.  Marti is a champion rodeo rider/player/rodeoer?   Apparently, sometimes when you win an event, they don’t give you just a little metal trophy.  Sometimes you win an engraved saddle as your trophy.  Marti’s trophy saddle was proudly displayed in the living room next to the TV and we city folks made the mistake of asking if he ever used it.  That earned us a scoffing laugh and a head shake.  So, now we know.  It’s a proud display of accomplishment, not one for actual use.  

Home of beer....wine...and great sushi.

Here's little sis sporting our family reunion shirt.

The family resemblance is a bit uncanny

 Then we visited our good friends, Kawika and Pua, and their three munchkins.  Kawika and Pua are from our home church on Oahu but had moved to the Big Island to work a koa tree farm.  We love that family to pieces and were excited to visit them.  Wouldn’t you know it though?  Upon our visit, they found out that they were in fact moving back to Oahu in just a few weeks.   Probably for the best.  Pua is expecting their fourth and considering that their hospital is an 1 hr 20 min drive away, I think she’s relieved be back somewhere a little more accessible.  

When you take photographs of children, there is a bit of apprehension beforehand.  You may not know their individual personalities yet, if you’re going to meet a bubbling, camera-adoring starlet or a sweetly shy angel who shies away from the camera.  And even camera babies have their shy days.  These following pictures are proof to parents not to worry.  Relax and let your children just play.  This sibling pair gave me stern warning looks when I pointed the camera at them and asked for cheesy smiles.  They were intent on taking advantage of the muddy puddles left by previous rainstorms.  So, I hunkered down on the grass and captured them in their element….young innocent children playing out their childhood days.   And I loved every shot.  These, to me, captured their personalities and these moments a thousand times better than a posed/sit together/look up/smile picture. 

Their Driveway

Aliya, a beautiful little girl who is not afraid of a little dirt

I love this one...I ordered a float wrap sample for my photography office

Their backyard view

A glimpse of what my Big island husband might look like

I can almost imagine he might become a cowboy

All the wooden fences had this gorgeous natural moss growing on them

A little patience brings its rewards, look at that face.

She has her mommy's incredible fashion sense.

Oh, she went shy again.

 Isaiah is a creative visionary.  While slinging mud, he exclaimed that he would love to have his own poster.  He came up with the image and his own slogan.  I may have taken picture but this is his vision.

Isaiah-star of his own poster

The party included:

Lauren’s friend, HB, stopped by for some playground and coloring book fun but left before the culinary lesson began. Here’s Master Baker Scott showing a preview of our final creations. I may have to explain Scott’s cookie a little. That’s actually supposed to be a gummy heart in the middle and the “A” is for me…his nickname for me. Well, by nickname, I mean, my real first name. And, no, I will never divulge it.

The kit came with a really cute little booklet of instructions. We were a little waylaid by the fact that you had to add a few ingredients to the kit of your own. Honey. I didn’t own honey, I actually don’t like honey. So, just be forewarned to check the back of these cute kits before attempting at home. We mixed the ingredients together and let it sit in the fridge for half an hour. I followed the directions but the dough was a little crumbly and weird looking at first. It began to take a more doughy texture after we had worked on it a bit. Here’s Lauren who learned to to knead it herself.

Now, you may notice above a spray can of Pam nonstick cooking spray rolling around. I couldn’t for the life of me find a rolling pin (hmmm, seems the roommate left it at someone’s house)…so I had to improvise. Washed the outside of the Pam can and sprinkled it with flour. Hey, it worked pretty decently.

3 year olds are a great age. Lauren caught on and was able to roll up the dough, roll it out, and then cut out a shape with the cookie cutters all by herself. Her favorite was the heart shaped cookies. After we had assembled most of the cookies, I left her with a little bit of dough to play with like play-do (Hey, I just got the name….hah, it makes sense now) and went to put the cookies in the oven. But she kept running to the kitchen with more heart cookies that she was just milling out by the second.

After fifteen minutes in the oven, out came beautiful gingerbread cookies, all shapes and sizes.

We kind of forgot to explain to the 3 year old that these cookies were for the joy of decorating. Because after we down all the gels and sprinkles in front of her and then brought the cookies to the table, she reached out and started to grind on the freshly baked cookies. I think Scott and I startled her when we snatched them out of her hands and said “No.” Ooops. We then showed her that you could decorate them first and then she went to town and had a blast. But after that, she refused to take a bite of any cookies, even after we had decorated them all. My sister arrived and we all tried to show Lauren that you could eat the cookies. I think I ate like three. But, nope…she wouldn’t touch them. She just carried them around with pride.

The gingerbread cookie kit came with little eyes to put on your gingerbread men. I love that Lauren made an all-seeing Christmas tree. Magical.

Hey, I have some amazing pictures from a children session on the Big Island. Look forward to that post and pictures coming sometime next week.